P101-110

[101] The Weekend - 1970's

A: Hey man! How's it hanging?

B: Hey man! Everything is just groovy baby!

A: Did you go to the roller rink on Saturday? I heard it was far out, man!

B: I wanted to, but I ran into this foxy lady that just moved to my block! I was chatting her up a bit and then we mellowed out at her place.

A: Right on, right on! Well, Jim went to the rink with Sherry and he said it was dy-no-mite! He was low on bread, but Sherry paid for everything.

B: Gravy! Jim is such a jive turkey man. He is always hitting me up for cash. Anyway, you wanna book and go grab some grub?

A: Yeah man, I'm starving!

[102] Global View - Global Warming

A: And therefore, global warming is the greatest deception of the early 21st century. Questions?

B: Uh. . . yeah. In the lecture you said there's more evidence in the scientific record supporting global cooling?

A: Well, yes, essentially, the historical record supports a theory of climate cycles. Warming and cooling are cooperating processes in the planetary eco-system.

B: If that's true and the planet is getting cooler, what explains the rapid melting of the polar ice caps and the dramatic rise in the global average temperatures?

A: But are global temperatures rising? If you look at the data from nineteen seventy-five you'll. . . . . .

B: You'll be misled. If you were serious, you would look at the record starting in the 1880s. Then you would see how dramatically the earths temperature has changed.

A: Young lady, I beg to differ. Look, the point of the lecture was to emphasize that there is evidence for both sides, and I'm putting forth the argument that there's greater evidence in support of the global cooling hypothesis. Look, it's an indisputable fact that the public is being manipulated and scared into believing there's some kind of climate crisis; this scaremongering is done, quite simply, for political reasons.

B: But even without the uncomfortable reality that greenhouse gases like carbon dioxide contribute to global warming, isn't the topic appropriate for politicians to discuss?

A: Not if they want to use your tax dollars and mine to fund completely unnecessary initiatives.

B: Yeah, like conservation, protecting endangered species and investing in renewable energy. At the very least, you have to concede that this debate has the potential to end our dependence on foreign oil. Buying oil supports autocratic countries that use these revenues to devastating ends.

A: Why, I've never been so disrespected in all of my days. I'm a professor, a scientist and researcher of high regard.

B: Yeah, and a duplicitous one at that. Everyone knows you're in the pocket of the oil lobby. Why should we trust your so-called findings more than tobacco institute studies which say smoking doesn't harm health? You're full of it.

A: Some people just cannot handle civil debate!

[103] Daily Life - Baby, I'm Sorry

A: Can we talk?

B: Sure, honey, we're talking now, aren't we?

A: You know what I mean.

B: Yeah. I know.

A: I want to know where this relationship is going. I'm in love with you and I need to know. . .

B: You know, I think you're awesome.

A: I'm awesome. Well, I guess that's my answer, isn't it.

B: Honey. . .

A: Look, if you don't love me, it's not a thing, alright, we've had our laughs, but I don't appreciate. . . maybe it's just time we. . .

B: Baby, I love you so much.

A: You do?

B: I love you. And I think you're awesome.

A: Oh, I love you too!

B: Come on. Put the gun down.

A: Oh baby, I'm so sorry.

[104] The Weekend - Skiing

A: Welcome ski lovers of all ages! My name is Rick Fields and here with me is the man that needs no introduction, Bob Copeland.

B: Thank you, Rick! What a beautiful day here in Aspen, Colorado where the sun is shinning, and we've got twelve inches of fresh powder. It doesn't get much better than this.

A: That's right, Bob, but today we have a special treat for our viewers. We're joined here by Ian Roussy, the four-time giant slalom champion. And on this special edition of the show, Ian is going to teach us the basics of skiing! So, let's hit the slopes!

C: Well, first off, let's get those boots on. You're going to want to make sure your boots fit snugly. That's right; now snap them into your bindings. And you're also going to want a good pair of goggles to protect your eyes. It's a bright day today, so there's going to be a lot of glare out there on the slopes. We don't want you hitting any of those moguls!

A: Bob, since you're a beginner skier and might take a few spills, it is a good idea to have a good warm pair of dry ski gloves.

C: Easy there, Rick! Well, let's head on over to the chairlift, and test your skills! All right, we're up here on the bunny hill, so, Bob, why don't you do a few snow-plow turns. Gnarly run, Rick! Nice carving! You've got some mad skills! That was sick!

A: You wanna see gnarley? Well, see that bump over there, I'm gonna get some major air.

C: Butt plant!

B: Ha ha ha! He lost his skis! Yard sale! ! !

A: Ahem, well. Thanks for joining us here today, I think that about does it. Bob, Ian, time for some après-ski?

C: No way, man! We're off to grab some freshies! ! !

[105] The Office - Job Well Done

A: And so, that concludes my outline for our marketing strategy next year. Thank you very much for your time.

B: Hey, that was quite the Presentation! Honestly, I was completely blown away by your strategy outline. I've gotta say, Alex, you really wowed me today.

A: Aw, come on; it was nothing. I'm just doing my job.

B: No, I think you deserve some recognition here; I mean, if I look back on your previous Presentations, this is a huge improvement.

A: Well, Kristin did give me a hand with the slides. She's a real wiz on PowerPoint.

B: And I saw that you took on board my feedback about pricing strategies. I really appreciate you taking the time to think through my suggestions.

A: Yeah, well, that was some good advice. You made some really good points.

B: Well, I just wanted to say well done. Really you did a great job.

[106] Daily Life - Mobile Phone Plan

B: Yeah, I've just moved here, and I'd like to activate my cell phone, and I'm not sure if I should go with a prepaid plan, or a monthly rate plan.

A: I see. Well, can I have a look at your phone? Unfortunately, this phone can't be used in the US; it's not compatible with our 3G network.

B: What? Really? I don't really want to have to buy a new phone.

A: Well, you're in luck! You see, if you sign up for our three-year plan, we'll throw in a handset for free.

B: Really? What's the catch?

A: There's no catch! You just choose a plan, sign a three-year contract and, that's it! Actually, we're running a special promotion right now, and we're giving away a Blackberry Curve with our special Mega Value forty dollar plan.

B: So what does this plan include?

A: Well, you get nine hundred anytime minutes, and you can also enjoy free mobile to mobile calling to other Tel-Mobile clients, one thousand text messages per month, and unlimited evening and weekend minutes. Oh, and we also offer a rollover option.

B: Wow, all this for forty dollars per month?

A: That's right, plus the activation fee, the emergancy services fee, the monthly service fee, oh, and any charges for extra minutes, and. . .

[107] Daily Life - Complaining at a Restaurant

A: Excuse me, waiter?

B: Yes, sir? What can I do for you?

A: I've been sitting here for the past twenty minutes and no one has offered me a glass of water, brought any bread to the table and our appetizers haven't been served yet! You know, in this kind of establishment, I'd expect much better service.

B: I am sorry, sir. I'll check on your order right away.

C: Relax honey, the place is busy tonight, but I've heard the food is amazing. Anyway. . .

B: Here you are, sir. The foie gras for the lady, and a mushroom soup for you.

A: Waiter, I ordered a cream of mushroom soup with asparagus. This soup is obviously too runny, and it's over-seasoned. It's completely inedible!

B: Okay, I do apologize for that. Can I bring you another soup, or would you like to order something else?

A: Take this foie gras back as well, it's rubbery and completely overcooked. And look at the portion size! How can you charge twenty-five dollars for a sliver of duck liver?

B: Right away. . . sir.

C: Honey come on! The foie gras was fine, why are you making such a big deal? Are you trying to get our meal comped again?

A: What do you mean? We are paying for this. If I'm shelling out my hard earned bucks, I expect value for money!

B: Here you are, sir. I hope it is alright now. The chef has prepared it specially for you.

A: Yes, fine.

C: Honey, are you alright?

[108] The Office - Bad news, boss

A: . . . Now that we have been over the gory details of our disastrous first quarter, Ed! Give us some good news. How are things looking for us in terms of sales this month?

B: Uh well. . . would you like the bad news first or the really bad news?

A: What? Ed, don't tell me you only have bad news!

B: Well sir, our sales have dropped, no plunged, fifty percent in the past month alone. We are currently overstocked and overstaffed and our profits are falling fast. The market is in recession and we have no way of moving our inventory, or getting rid of our staff. If we consider redundancies, it would cost us a fortune because of the new regulations governing compensation packages. It's a real mess.

A: For crying out loud. . . How fast are we losing money?

B: Um. . . how can I put this? Let's just say that at this pace, we will be filing for Chapter eleven in less than three months.

A: What! Geez! How could this have happened? So what's the bad news?

B: Oh, that's the really bad news. Our supplier suffered QC problems and, well, half of our production is faulty. We're going to have to recall all items sold in the last quarter. And the worst part? We're going to have to shoulder this cost.

A: Are you joking? Get the supplier on the line now! They have to assume the costs of this mess!

B: We tried that, sir. The factory has gone under and the owner apparently has fled the country.

A: We're doomed!

B: There is some really good news though!

A: Really? What!

B: I got offered a new job!

[109] The Weekend - Breaking up

A: Honey, do you have a second?

B: Sure! Are you okay? You seem a bit worried. What's on your mind?

A: We need to talk.

B: Okay. . .

A: I've been thinking, and well, I think we need to start seeing other people.

B: What? Why? I mean, we've had our ups and downs, and we have the occasional disagreement, but we're happy together.

A: That's just it, I'm not happy anymore, Tim. It's not you, it's me. I know that I can be hard to deal with, and you are a great guy! You are the type of guy that any woman would kill for!

B: So, what are you saying? You're breaking up with me because I'm perfect?

A: Tim, you are too good for me. You deserve someone who can make you smile and make you happy the way that you made me happy. I could say that I'll be all you need, but that would be a lie. I know I'd only hurt you, I know I'd only make you cry.

B: Baby, come on. Don't do this to me! Whatever it is, we can work it out. Just give me another chance! I know that we can get through this, but we gotta stick together! Don't leave me.

A: I can't, Tim. I hope someday you can find some way to understand I'm only doing this for you. I don't really wanna go but, deep in my heart I know this is the kindest thing to do.

B: Laura. . .

A: Here are your keys. I'll send my sister to pick up the rest of my things next week. I'm sorry, Tim. I wish you all the best, and I hope that one day we can meet again. I'll always love you. Goodbye.

[110] Daily Life - Registering for University

A: Excuse me? Is this where I register? I'd like to sign up for my courses for next semester.

B: Yes, of course. I need your student ID please.

A: Here you are.

B: Okay, Susan. It says here that you are a business major and you are in your second year. Is this information correct?

A: Yes. I do want to take some additional credits this year to get a minor in psychology.

B: Sure. That's not a problem. Do you have the list of courses you want to take this semester?

A: Yeah. Here's my list. I'm not sure if the class schedule will allow me to take all of them though.

B: Yeah, that's perfect. What about the subjects for your minor?

A: Oh yeah! Almost forgot! I need to take fundamental linguistics, consumer psychology and neuroanatomy.

B: Wow, you are going to be busy this semester! Okay, here you go. You are registered now; you'll have to make your first tuition payment before classes start.

P111-120

[111] The Weekend - Golf

A: Good morning golf aficionados! My name is Rick Fields, and you guessed it, I am here with my main man, Bob Copeland.

B: Thank you, Rick! As you can see, ladies and gentleman, we are here in beautiful Pebble Beach where the top golfers in the world are trying to win the grand prize of one million dollars!

A: Whoa, that's a lot of cash! Let's go to the course and see how Tiger Woods is doing.

B: All right, we're here at the eighth hole. It's a par four, and has some very difficult hazards which many golfers find difficult to avoid. Although, I did see Jack Nicklaus hit a hole in one on this very same hole!

A: Tiger Woods is about to tee off, and let's see if he has the same luck as Jack. Tiger is asking his caddie for his driver and, he seems to be very nervous.

B: Oh no! Not a good swing at all! It's definitely not his day today. On the seventh hole he got a bogey and before that he barely made par. He will definitely not get a birdie on this shot.

A: It seems that his ball has flown somewhere deep in the trees. He is having a hard time finding it and even his caddie has climbed a tree to try and spot it.

B: Oh no! A bear! Run, Tiger, run! Somebody call animal control!

[112] Daily Life - Dr. Plumber

A: Good afternoon! Did you call for a plumber?

B: Yes, yes I did. Please come in! I'm so glad you came! This old house is falling apart! Come on into the bathroom. See, here, there's water leaking everywhere!

A: I see. Let me have a look. It seems that your toilet is clogged, and that's why it won't flush. Let me just get my plunger. No, that's not working either. I suspect that there's some sort of foreign object in the pipes that's causing a blockage. That's what's making your toilet overflow.

B: Oh, that must be because of my four-year-old daughter. She is always flushing things down the toilet. You know how kids are.

A: Yeah, I have a little one myself. Anyway, these water pipes are really rusty, so they also should be changed. That could be causing water to not drain completely; that might lead to more problems in the future. I would also suggest fixing this faucet that isn't shutting off properly. I could have it all finished by today if it's urgent.

B: That would be great! Is it expensive?

A: Let's see. . . I would say about eight hundred dollars.

B: What? That's more than I make in a day and I'm a heart surgeon!

[113] The office - Sorry I'm Late

A: Where is everyone? We were supposed to start fifteen minutes ago!

B: Jo called and said she'd be here in a sec. She said she got tied up with a client.

C: Sorry I'm late everyone. There was a huge traffic jam on the highway this morning.

D: Morning everyone! Were you stuck in traffic as well, Jess? There was a huge pileup on the highway and traffic was backed up for miles.

B: Scott just called and said that he's running late. His last meeting ran over, but he's on his way now.

A: Guys, this is not acceptable. If I say the meeting starts at ten, the meeting starts at ten. Not ten-oh-one! And definitely not ten-twenty! All right. Let's get started. So the first thing I want to talk about is our. . .

E: I'm really sorry, everyone! I know I'm late. But really, it's not my fault. I was getting a coffee at Starbucks, and the line was way too long. I was waiting for twenty minutes to get my coffee!

[114] The Weekend - 1980's

A: Jim! What's up man!

B: Charlie! Is that your ride? It's butt ugly, dude!

A: Don't be a airhead! This is a nineteen sixty-nine Chevy Impala! I just need to fix it up a bit. In a couple of months, this baby is gonna be wicked!

B: Not even! Check it out! Now that's a fresh ride!

A: Too bad the driver is a major dweeb. Anyone can have a car like that if their daddy is loaded like his.

B: He's coming this way, be cool.

C: Hey guys! What do you think of my automobile? Isn't it bad to the bone?

A: Word! The ladies are gonna be lining up to get with you when they see you driving around in that car.

C: You really think so?

B: For sure!

C: Awesome!

A: Haha..Psych! you totally fell for it.

C: You are a real scumbag, Charlie. When I do the nasty with the prom queen, we'll see who has the last laugh.

B: Dude, don't have a cow!

[115] Daily Life - I Don't Feel So Good

A: Are you okay, man? You don't look very well.

B: Ugh, I feel terrible. I went out last night with Trevor and things got a little out of hand.

A: Nice! So, where did you guys go?

B: We hit a couple of local bars, and met up with some friends. Everything was cool until Mike came along, and it turned out that it was his birthday yesterday!

A: Oh no! Mike's birthday is a drinkfest for sure!

B: Tell me about it! We drank everything in the bar!

A: Is that why you missed work today?

B: Yeah. I woke up this morning feeling really nauseous. I threw up like five times.

A: Eww!

B: I was so dehydrated that I drank like a gallon of water, and my head has been pounding all day. I swear, I'm never going to drink again!

A: Too bad man, tonight is Tracy's going away party and she asked if you were gonna go.

B: Oh, yeah. I'm there!

[116] The Office - You Missed The Deadline

A: And so, I just wanted to check in with you and find out where we are with this project. As you know, you've missed a fairly significant deadline last week, and this will negativity impact the team's ability to move forward with the next stages of this project.

B: I know, I'm really sorry that I missed the deadline. But really, it wasn't my fault. You see, we had all of these unexpected technical problems at the last minute, and that I couldn't get into the database and extract the kind of information that I needed for the data analyis. You know, if the tech guys would have done their job and kept the CRM stable, then I wouldn't have missed my deadline.

A: Oh, come on! An excuse like that is tantamount to lying. You're essentially blaming the tech team for your time management issues, rather than accepting responsibility for the fact that you were procrastinating for the past two weeks.

B: No, I'm not trying to pass the buck here; I know that it was me who is ultimately responsible for getting this done. But the thing is, I could have finished on time if the system hadn't gone down. And you know, with everything I've got going on now, I can't afford to waste time dealing with technical problems. I've got a lot on my plate and there are only twenty-four hours in a day...

A: I'm not going to accept this excuse. You're using these small technical glitches as a crutch and trying to rationalize the fact that you've missed your deadline. Look, we have standards and I expect you to live up to those standards. No more phoney excuses. If you're in over your head, you tell me. No more missed deadlines. Now, I want that data on my desk by nine am!

[117] The Weekend - I'm Sorry I Love You IX

A: Veronica wait! Come on honey, get back in the car. Let's talk it over, okay?

B: No! I'm tired of your lies! I don't know who you are anymore!

A: Veronica. It's me, the man that has and always will love you. I'm sorry that I've lied to you. Believe me, it's been so hard for me as well, and time and again, I've thought of coming clean. But, I couldn't put you, or my mission at risk. It's all over now. My assignment is complete and now I have to go back to India.

B: What? Are you kidding? Is there anything else I should know before I never see you again? How could you deceive me like that?

A: Yes. . . Veronica. . . I know that this isn't the best time and that you probably hate me right now but, I want to be completely forthright with you. I know deep in my heart that you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. Veronica. . . will you marry me? Come with me to India baby, I can't make up for everything that's happened, but I can promise you my undying love. I will be the most devoted husband, and I will cherish you always.

B: Steven. . . I can't just leave everything at the drop of a hat! With everything that has happened between us, I just don't know you any more. I just can't build a relationship on a foundation of lies. I do love you but. . . I can't go with you. I'm sorry. . . I love you. . .

AIRPORT: This is the last call for flight eight sixteen from Los Angeles to Hyderabad.

C: I'm sorry sir we can't wait any longer you must board the plane. Are you waiting for someone?

A: I was but, I don't think she is coming. . .

[118] Daily Life - Baby Talk

A: Honey, the baby is up again.

B: It's your turn! I went last night.

A: Fine! Hello widdle baby! Why are you crying widdle baby? Oh, I see, you made a doo-doo!

B: What's going on hun? Why is the baby crying?

A: The widdle baby made a doo -doo!

B: What a good boy! Lets get this icky diaper off you.

A: Looky what I have here! Mickey Mouse jammies! oopsie-daisy! Did the widdle baby just tinkle all over daddy?

B: Yes he did! Yes he did! You just made a wee wee all over daddy!

A: Hold still while I change this yucky diaper.

C: What going on in here?

A: Oh look it's nana! Say hi to nana!

C: He's so adorable! I could just eat him up!

A: Ok, say bye to nana! Time to go beddy - bye!

[119] The Weekend - Being Scared

A: Eddie, why are we at this scary looking mansion? It's like, ultra spooky!

B: I told you already Shabby, the owner of the house says there is a ghost haunting his house so we have to go in and investigate.

C: I don't like this!

D: Come on guys, stop being such cowards. It's a mystery and an adventure!

A: This place gives me the creeps! Seriously guys, let's get out of here! I'm getting goosebumps just being here!

C: Shabby is a scaredy cat!

D: That laugh came from this room. Let's go and check it out.

B: Look! A ghost! Run!

[120] The Weekend - Boxing

A: Welcome back, boxing fans! My name is Rick Fields, and here with me is the man with an iron jaw, Bob Copeland.

B: Thank you, Rick! We are coming to you live from Las Vegas! We're in the beautiful MGM Grand Hotel and Casino where the world heavyweight championship is about to get under way!

A: That's right Bob! We are about to witness the legendary Italian Stallion himself, Rocky Balboa, square off against his lifetime rival, Apollo Creed! This will be a gruesome match for sure.

B: Both fighters are in the ring, and we are about to begin.

C: In the blue corner, weighing in at two hundred and twenty pounds, the former heavyweight champion of the world, "The Master of Disaster", the one and only, Apollo Creed! In the red corner, weighing two hundred and eighteen pounds and with a record of forty-seven wins and thirty-seven knockouts, the undefeated, undisputed, heavyweight champion of the world, the "Italian Stallion", Rocky Balboa!

A: There is the bell and this fight is underway! Apollo quickly attacks Rocky with quick strong jabs! Rocky dodges successfully and counterattacks with a strong right hook!

B: Apollo is cut! Rocky landed a strong blow to his right eyebrow and cut him!

A: This is his chance! Rocky quickly throws a left, right, another left! Apollo is getting pounded!

B: Apollo recovers with a powerful haymaker and catches Rocky off guard! He's down! the ref starts the count!

C: 1,2,3,4,5, . . . . .

P121-130

[121] Global View - Presidential Speech

A: Good evening, my fellow Americans. Three days from now, after a half-century of service of our country, I shall lay down the responsibilities of office as, in a traditional and solemn ceremony, the authority of the Presidency is vested in my successor. This evening I come to you with a message of leave-taking and farewell, and to share a few final thoughts with you, my countrymen.

A: Like every other citizen, I wish the new President, and all who will labor with him, Godspeed. I pray that the coming years will be blessed with peace and prosperity for all.

A: Our people expect their President and the Congress to find essential agreement on questions of great importance, the wise resolution of which will better shape the future of our great nation.

A: My own relations with Congress began on a remote and tenuous basis when, long ago, a member of the Senate appointed me to West Point. I then had the pleasure of building more intimate relationship with Congress during the war and immediate post-war period.

A: Finally, we have progressed to the mutually interdependent relationship we've had during these past eight years.

[122] Daily Life - Supermarket Cashier

A: Excuse me sir, this is the express check-out lane for people that have fifteen items or fewer. It looks like you have more than fifteen items there.

B: Oh, come on! I have sixteen items! Cut me some slack, will ya?

A: Fine! Please place your items on the belt and push your shopping cart through. Do you prefer paper or plastic?

B: Plastic. I also have a couple of coupons.

A: No problem, I'll take those. Sir, these coupons expired yesterday.

B: Darn! Oh, well. I guess it's just not my day. Thanks anyway.

A: Do you have a club card or will it be cash?

B: Yeah I got a club card. Here you go.

A: Will this be debit or credit?

B: Debit please. Also, could I get cash back? Fifty dollars would be great.

A: Yeah, sure. Your total is seventy-dollars and thirty-three cents. Here is your receipt. Have a nice day.

[123] The Weekend - 1990's

A: Hey four-eyes! What's up man, how have you been?

B: Not bad, just went to the mall and picked up some junk. Check out my new Adidas!

A: Those are dope! You are gonna be getting mad props from the gang, man. Anyways, have you seen Betty lately?

B: Dude, don't even go there. That girl started trippin' cuz I went to the movies with Veronica the other day. I was like "look, you knew how I was before you got with me".

A: That's right! You're such a playa, man. Dude, there's Mad Max. Let's go say hi.

B: Max! What's up! Are you okay? You look like you just saw a ghost.

C: I got an F in English class. My life is over. . .

A: Dude, get over it! You need to lay off the books for a while and have some fun! Come on, let's bounce.

C: Where are we going? Oh, crap. My dad is gonna go postal when he finds out about this.

A: I'm gonna open a can of Whopass on you if you don't come with me now!

C: Okay, okay. Geez. . .

[124] Daily Life - Tools

A: Alright, ladies and gentlemen. We've been hired to build a deck on this here house, and turn this boring and drab lawn into a backyard oasis. There is one catch, though. We've only got one day to finish this, so I'm gonna need everyone to give one hundred and ten percent today. It's going to be tough, but we've got a great team here, and I know that together we can tackle this project. That being said, let's get to work!

B: That's right. Now, remember, we've been over the plans, but we really need to make sure that everything is up to code. The home inspectors here are pretty thorough, so please make sure you follow the plans exactly. And remember the carpenter's rule of thumb: measure twice and cut once.

A: Okay, guys. Let's get at it. Bob! Pass me that hammer! The nails won't go in; the wood is too hard. I think I'm gonna need the nail gun. That did it!

C: Do me a favor and help me cut this two-by-four, will ya? Pass me the circular saw, and grab hold of the end of the board. Now help me drill some holes in it so we can place the bolts.

B: I think you should sand the edges. Look at all these splinters, someone could get hurt. Geez. . . you gotta take pride in your work!

C: Yeah, you're right. Pass me the sander and I'll take care of it.

A: Julia! Get over here with the level, measuring tape and that box of screws!

C: Oh, no! Look out below!

[125] Daily Life - No Smoking

A: It smells like an ashtray in here!

B: Hi honey! What's wrong? Why do you have that look on your face?

A: What's wrong? I thought we agreed that you were gonna quit smoking.

B: No! I said I was going to cut down which is very different. You can't just expect me to go cold turkey overnight!

A: Look, there are other ways to quit. You can try the nicotine patch, or nicotine chewing gum. We spend a fortune on cigarettes every month and now laws are cracking down and not allowing smoking in any public place. It's not like you can just light up like before.

B: I know, I know. I am really, I am trying but, I don't have the willpower to just quit. I can't fight with the urge to reach for my pack of smokes in the morning with coffee or after lunch! Please understand?

A: Fine! I want a divorce!

[126] The Weekend - That's Funny!

AnnoHuenclleor: Hello, everyone, and welcome to open mic night! You're in for a real treat as we've got a lot of great comics here with us tonight. First up, we have a very funny man coming straight from the state of Montana, Robert Hicks!

A: Thank you, everyone! Well, what a lovely crowd. You know, there's nothing I love better than standup comedy! You know, I've been working on my routine for months now, and I've got some real zingers for you tonight. Let's start out with some short jokes, how about that? Where do you find a one legged dog? Where you left it.

A: Get it? mmm Anyways. . . What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud!

A: Tough crowd. . . Alright, now you're going to love this joke. It's hilarious! What do cows do for entertainment? They rent moooovies ! moooovies!

A: Okay, Okay, we've got a few hecklers in the audience, but this one is good! What does a fish say when it runs into a wall? DAM!

A: Okay, Last one! Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Coz they got big fingers! ! ! !

CrowGd: Get off the stage! You suck!

A: Thanks everyone that was my time.

[127] The Weekend - I Love That Song!

Host: Welcome back, music lovers, to "I Love That Song"! The game show where we test your musical knowledge to the extreme! Let's get started! Team A. . . Guess this tune: Team

A: Carrying Your Love With Me by George Straight! The genre is country music!

Host: You are right! one hundred points to team A! Now, for our next cut.

Team B: Thong Song by Sisqo! I believe the genre is R&B?

Host: One hundred big points for team B! For all our viewers the acronym R&B stands for Rhythm and Blues. On that note, DJ, play our next song! B Team

B: Superstar by The Carpenters!

Host: And the genre?

Team B: Um. . . Um. . . Adult Contemporary?

Host: That's right! A hundred points! Uh oh! That sound means it's double or nothing! The songs are more difficult and the points are doubled! Let's hear our next song!

Team A: Too easy! That song is Kinslayer by the Finnish power metal group, Nightwish!

Host: You are correct! Very impressive team A! And it seems we have a tie! It's time now for the tie-breaker round! Each team will be played three songs and they must tell us the genre of each song in less than five seconds! Team A, are you ready?

Team A: Ready!

Host: Let's hear it!

Team A: Hip Hop, Classical and Gothic metal!

Host: You are right! Team B, the pressure is on, if you get all of them right, we will move on to sudden death. If you miss one, you lose! DJ, Let's hear it!

Team B: Rap, Disco and. . . and. . .

[128] Daily Life - I'm Sorry I Love You X

Gulam: Steven! Good to see you brother! How are you? How was your trip?

Steven: It was fine. I've been better but, it's great to be home, I've missed you all! How's mom?

Gulam: She's great! All she ever does is talk about you -her little boy that went to the United States. You're her pride and joy, you know that?

Steven: Can't wait to see her. And you? What's new with you?

Gulam: Well, Nisha and I are expecting! You'll have another nephew or niece soon! Steven: That's great! Wow! Congrats! You two are great together, ya know. You have such a beautiful family. I hope one day I can have that.

Gulam: Of course, man! Come on! I mean, everything was set here for you to marry Shalini! You know, she's still pining after you. I don't think she'll ever get over you.

Steven: What are you talking about? I hardly knew her! How could she be in love with me? I couldn't go through with it even though she is a great woman. No, I left my heart in the United States. I just hope Veronica is happy.

Gulam: Get over it! You're home now. Everyone here thinks so highly of you; there'll be girls throwing themselves at you. You can marry anyone you want!

Steven: I don't want to marry anyone! I want to marry her! Don't you understand?

Gulam: You are incorrigible.

Liliana: Steven! My baby how are you! I've missed you so much!

Steven: Hey, mom! Great to see you!

Liliana: You look so thin! Didn't those Americans feed you? Come come, let's have some chai. By the way. . . There is a girl here waiting for you.

Veronica: Hi Steven.

Steven: Veronica! How did you get here? How did you know where I live? I waited for you at the airport but you never showed. . .

Veronica: I also have some little secrets that I haven't told you about, but we can discuss that later. I realized that I was just scared. Scared of how much I love you and of the commitment that marriage requires. I'm here now. Now there is something I wanna ask you. Steven, will you marry me?

Priest: I now declare you, husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.

[129] Global View - Presidential Speech II

A: We now stand ten years past the midpoint of a century that has witnessed four major wars among great nations. Three of these involved our own country. Despite the carnage of these conflicts, America is today the strongest, the most influential and most productive nation in the world. We are understandably proud of this preeminence, yet we realize that America’s leadership and prestige depend, not merely upon our unmatched material progress, riches and military strength, but on how we use our power in the interests of world peace and human betterment.

A: Throughout America’s adventure in free government, such basic purposes have been to keep the peace; to foster progress in human achievement, and to enhance liberty, dignity and integrity among peoples and among nations. Visit A: We pray that peoples of all faiths, all races, all nations, may have their great human needs satisfied; that those now denied opportunity shall come to enjoy it to the full; that all who yearn for freedom may experience its spiritual blessings; that those who have freedom will understand, also, its heavy responsibilities; that all who are insensitive to the needs of others will learn charity; that the scourges of poverty, disease and ignorance will be made to disappear from the earth, and that, in the goodness of time, all peoples will come to live together in a peace guaranteed by the binding force of mutual respect and love.

A: Now, on Friday noon, I am to become a private citizen. I am proud to do so. I look

[130] Daily Life - Going To The Gym

A: Hey there, you look a little lost. Are you new here?

B: Yeah how’d you know?

A: You can always spot the newbies. I can give you a few pointers if you want. Were you trying to use this machine here?

B: Yeah! I just started my training today and I’m not really sure where to begin.

A: It’s ok, I know how it is. This machine here will work out your upper body, mainly your triceps and biceps. Are you looking to develop strength or muscle tone and definition?

B: Well, I don’t want to be ripped like you! I just want a good physique with weights and cardio.

P131-140

[131] Daily Life - What if? Part 1

A: Okay, next question. If Eric asked you out on a date, what would you say?

B: Duh! I would say yes! Eric is the most popular kid in school! Okay, my turn. What would you do if you won the lottery?

A: Let’s see.... If I won the lottery, I would buy two tickets for a trip around the world.

B: If you buy me a ticket I will go with you for sure!

A: My dad will freak out if I even mention a trip like that!

B: Alright this is a good one. What would your mom say if you told her you are going to get married?

A: If I told her that, she would faint and have me committed!

[132] Daily Life - Mechanic

A: Howdy! Nice car! What seems to be the problem?

B: I don’t know! This stupid old car started spewing white smoke and it just died on me. Luckily, I managed to start it up and drive it here. What do you think it is?

A: Not sure yet. How about you pop the hood and we can take a look. Hmmm, it doesn’t look good.

B: What do you mean? My daddy gave me this car for my birthday last month. It’s brand new!

A: Well missy, the white smoke that you saw is steam from the radiator. You overheated your engine so now the pistons are busted and so is your transmission. You should have called us and we could have towed you over here when your car died.

B: Ugh... So how long is this going to take? An hour?

A: I’m afraid a bit more than that. We need to order the spare parts, take apart your electrical system, fuel pump and engine and then put it back together again. You are going to have to leave it here for at least two weeks.

B: What! How am I supposed to get to school or go shopping? This is not happening!

[133] Daily Life - Doing Laundry

A: Ok, let’s go through this one more time. I don’t want anymore ruined or dyed blouses!

B: I know, I know. OK, so I have to separate the colors from the whites and put them in this strange looking contraption so called washing machine.

A: Right. You have to turn it on and program it de- pending on what type of clothes you are wash- ing. For example for delicates, you should set a shorter washing cycle. Also, be sure to use fabric softener and this detergent when washing.

B: So complicated! Ok, what about this red wine stain? How do I get it out?

A: Since this is a white t-shirt, you can just pour a little bit of bleach on it and it will do the trick.

B: Cool. Then I can just throw everything in the dryer for an hour and its all set right?

A: No! Since you are washing delicates and cotton, you should set the dryer to medium heat and for twenty minutes.

B: You know what? I’ll just have everything dry cleaned.

[134] Daily Life - Buying a TV

A: Seriously, I don’t know why we need to get a new TV.

B: Honey I told you already. I can’t appreciate the graphics level and detail of the games on my Playstation 3 on our old TV.

C: Good afternoon folks! How can I be of service today?

B: I’m looking to upgrade to a newer, bigger televi- sion set.

C: You’ve come to the right place! What size are you looking for?

A: Just a normal sized TV for our living room.

C: I see. Well this set here is on sale. It’s a forty six inch HDTV screen and has all the works. Three HDMI connectors, USB, VGA and S - Video ports. It even has a DVI port so you can hook up your PC or laptop! This is without a doubt the complete home theater experience!

B: This is exactly what I need! Can you imagine watching movies or playing video games on this thing?

A: Honey, I think it’s a bit too big. I don’t even think it will fit in our living room.

C: Not to worry, we will deliver and install it in your home. It comes with a wall mount so you can just hang it on the wall like a picture!

B: This is great! How much will this set me back?

C: Lucky for you, this is the last one we have in stock so it’s half off!

B: I’ll take it!

[135] Daily Life - Cheer Up

A: Ok... I’ll talk to you later. Bye

B: Carrie, are you ok? You seem a bit down.

A: I just got off the phone with my boyfriend. He is always getting upset and losing his temper over nothing. It’s so hard to talk to him at times.

B: Maybe it’s just that he is stressed out from work or something. He does have a pretty nerve wracking job you know.

A: Yeah but, he is always in a really foul mood. I try to find out what’s bothering him or get him to talk about his day but, he always shuts down and brushes me off.

B: Men are like that you know. They can feel ner- vous, anxious or on edge and the only way they can express it is by trying to hide it through ag- gressiveness.

A: I guess you are right. What do you think I should do? He wasn’t always this grouchy you know...

B: Talk to him, try to cheer him up when he is down and if that doesn’t work, I say get rid of him and get a new one!

A: You are something else you know that?

[136] Global View - Gambling

A: Did you hear? The state is thinking of legalizing gambling in our city! Soon we are gonna have amazing hotels and casinos here which will be good for our business!

B: Are you serious? Gambling is a vice industry built on deception and fed by the intentional exploita- tion of human weakness for the sole purpose of monetary gain! It disgusts me.

A: What are you talking about? How does it exploit people?

B: Well, to begin with, Gambling is addictive, ruins marriages, destroys families and bankrupts com- munities. Once you are addicted it is very diffi- cult to stop. People have lost their houses, cars and been left out on the street after becoming addicted. Secondly, it exploits because men be- come addicted to gambling most often because of the action and risk. Women gamble to escape, and senior citizens will start gambling for the so- cial interaction. Underage gamblers often start gambling on sports with friends and then illegal bookies.

A: Geez! Now that I think about it, maybe legalizing gambling isn’t such a good idea! Although, I have been to Las Vegas, and I didn’t become addicted or anything like that.

B: You cannot predict who will become addicted to gambling. Now excuse me, I have a protest rally to organize!

[137] Daily Life - Getting Internet Service

A: Welcome to Galanet. How can I help you?

B: Hi. I would like to get an internet plan for my house.

A: Of course. We have three different plans with dif- ferent prices you can choose from. The first one is the cheapest but most basic plan which is thirty dollars a month. This is for broadband internet with a download speed of five hundred and twelve kbps.

B: I have no idea what kbps means. I just want to be able to get online, play games and chat with my friends. Oh, and watch movies online as well.

A: Well, this connection might be a bit too slow for your needs. I suggest you get the premium pack- age for fifty dollars a month which includes a con- nection speed of two megabytes. That way you can play games online without any lag. This pack- age also includes a wireless router and a personal firewall absolutely free!

B: Do I have to pay an installation fee?

A: Lucky for you, this month we aren’t charging our normal installation fee. You are saving yourself 100 bucks right there! And we’ll throw in this pen drive!

B: Awesome!

[138] Daily Life - Renting A Car

[139] The Weekend - Playing Chess

[140] Daily Life - Buying a Computer

P141-150

[141] Daily Life - What If? Part 2

A: This is the good life! We have it good don’t you think?

B: Yeah of course! Although, don’t you ever wonder what ”could have been”?

A: What do you mean?

B: Well, sometimes I think of how things could have turned out if I had done things a little differently.

A: For example?

B: Like for example, if I hadn’t studied architecture, I would have become an artist like I wanted to.

A: I see. Yeah now that I think of it, I wouldn’t have gotten married if I hadn’t moved to this town and met Sally.

B: You see! Everything happens for a reason! We wouldn’t even have met if I hadn’t been in that car accident ten years ago!

A: Well, I have no regrets!

B: I’ll drink to that!

[142] The Weekend - What Do I Wear?

A: Honey come on! We are going to be late! Hon- estly, you take longer getting ready than I do!

B: I was drying my hair and ironing my shirt! Can you come here for a sec? I need your help.

A: What is it? Why are all these clothes on the bed?

B: I don’t know what to wear! Ok, give me your opin- ion. Do you like the way this looks? The striped short sleeved shirt with this checkered sweater and my lucky sandals. I like the cut and hemline of these shorts so I think I’ll wear these as well.

A: Are you joking? What am I going to do with you? We are going to a dinner party not the beach! Wear the shirt with the silk tie I bought you and these corduroy pants. It’s chilly outside so you can wear this coat.

B: Thanks honey! You have such great fashion sense. Now, what am I going to do with my hair?

[143] Daily Life - The Butcher

[144] Global View - Capital Punishment

A: Do you think we should be tougher on crime?

B: Well, it depends on what you mean.

A: For example, we could bring back the death penalty for murder, give longer prison sentences for lesser offences and lock up juvenile offenders.

B: Those really sound like Draconian measures. Firstly, what do you do about miscarriages of justice if you’ve already put innocent people to death?

A: You’d only use capital punishment if you were ab- solutely sure that you’d convicted the right person.

B: But, there’ve been many cases of wrongful con- viction where people have been imprisoned for many years. The authorities were sure at the time, but later it was shown that the evidence was unreliable. In some cases, it’d been fabricated by the police.

A: Well, no system of justice can be perfect, but surely there’s a good case for longer prison sen- tences to deter serious crime.

B: I doubt whether they could act as an effective de- terrent while the detection rate is so low. The best way to prevent crime is to convince people who commit it that they’re going to be caught. It doesn’t make sense to divert all your resources into the prison system.

A: But if you detect more crimes, you’ll still need pris- ons. In my reckoning, if we could lock up more juvenile criminals, they’d learn that they couldn’t get away with it. Soft sentences will merely en- courage them to do it again.

B: Yes, but remember that prisons are often schools for criminals. To remove crime from society, you really have to tackle its causes.

A: Well, if I were president, I would impose tougher laws and punishment. I would have a peaceful so- ciety based on fear of punishment, not conscious- ness of doing the right thing.

B: You sound like a dictator!

A: Well if it works, why not?

[145] Daily Life - Chicken Pox

A: What’s wrong with you? Why are you scratching so much?

B: I feel itchy! I can’t stand it anymore! I think I may be coming down with something. I feel light- headed and weak.

A: Let me have a look. Whoa! Get away from me!

B: What’s wrong?

A: I think you have chicken pox! You are contagious! Get away! Don’t breathe on me!

B: Maybe it’s just a rash or an allergy! We can’t be sure until I see a doctor.

A: Well in the meantime you are a biohazard! I didn’t get it when I was a kid and I’ve heard that you can even die if you get it as an adult!

B: Are you serious? You always blow things out of proportion. In any case, I think I’ll go take an oat- meal bath.

A: Ewww!

[146] Global View - Animal Rights

A: You should have seen the T.V. show that was on last night, the topic it covered was really interest- ing; animal rights.

B: Do you really believe in that? If they are going to focus on something, they should do it on civil rights. ’

A: Yes, but we can t deny that animals are vulnera- ble, defenseless, and are completely at the mercy of human beings.

B: I understand your point, but we continue to have transgressions against human rights. If so much ’ attention weren t devoted to the topic of animals, we would then concentrate more on saving a hu- man being instead of protecting a koala. ’

A: You can t compare apples and oranges; I be- lieve that both topics are important and that we ’ can t ignore them, the mistreatment of animals can cause a great environmental imbalance.I be- lieve that governments should prohibit activities like poaching.

B: Well, you are right on that point. This is the reason ’ that I don t buy leather and I try to buy synthetic products. ’

B: At least you re doing your part. My contribution is to have a pet in the house that I treat like a member of the family. ’

A: As long as you don t treat it better than your wife, ’ it s fine.

[147] Daily Life - The Argument

A: Wow, that terrible movie is finally over. Next time I’m picking the film, because I don’t want to end up seeing a chick flick.

B: Well you should have picked, in the end you al- ways complain about everything.

A: Not everything, just this film. Even the title is ridiculous; and it’s so long, those are the two and a half most wasted hours of my life, so much so that I’m thinking about asking them to give me my money back.

B: I’m thinking of taking you back home. I thought we could have a nice evening, but you’re always so negative.

A: I’m only complaining about a movie that I could have rented or bought and then thrown in the garbage.

B: You see, that’s what I’m talking about, I can’t stand your sarcastic jokes anymore

A: Next time, go with your gay friend who is more in touch with his feelings.

B: Well he’s more of a man than you are; at least he appreciates love stories.

A: Love? More like one-night-stands.

B: Don’t criticize Mario or else I’ll start on those fat, drunk friends of yours; they’re no saints.

A: My friends? Fat? What about those whales you call friends?

B: You’re unbearable; you can walk home, I’m leav- ing.

[148] Daily Life - Paranoid

A: Dan, Dan dude. You have to come over to my house right now!

B: Is everything Ok?

A: Just get over here!

A: Come in! Quickly!

B: So, since when is your house a bank?

A: What do you mean?

B: I mean, what’s up with the and locks and iron bars on your windows.

A: Security Dan, security! You can never be too safe you know! A lot of sickos out there. Just the other day they caught that peeping tom red handed! Had a high power telescope and binoculars by his window.

B: Whats the matter with you? Why are you acting all paranoid?

A: Paranoid? I’m not paranoid! I’m cautious! You see Dan, we have to be on guard at all time! Peo- ple just invade your privacy as if they knew you! Telemarketers, solicitors, even your bank! They have way too much information! I like to keep ev- erything on a need to know basis

B: OK, well, what did you want to see me about?

A: You are being watched! Be careful Dan! Be care- ful!

[149] Daily Life - Moving

A: Ok, that’s fine. Bye.

B: What happened?

A: That’s it, my lease is up. I have to move.

B: What? Why? Can’t you renew it?

A: The owner apparently is selling this place to make way for the construction of a parking lot

B: Well, I can help you pack. We should start looking for a new place for you ASAP.

A: I think I might move in with my parents for a couple of months until I can find something. You know how hard it is to find a decent place around here. I’m gonna have to put most of my stuff in storage for a while.

B: Well, let me know if there’s anything I can do to help out.

A: Actually, would you mind looking after my pet tarantula and snake for a couple of weeks?

B: hehe.. sure

[150] The Weekend - Bug Spray

A: The mosquitos are biting me!

B: Me too, I can’t stop scratching. They are every- where! Sneaky little jerks.

A: Do you have any bug spray?

B: No, I forgot to buy some.

A: Then we’ll have to put up with it.

B: We can cover ourselves with beer! That way if they bite us, they’ll get drunk and fall asleep

A: That’s without a doubt, the best idea youve had! Lets do it!

B: Run! They are thirsty for more!